Dear Amy: My husband and I were invited to a July 2020 wedding before the pandemic began.
We were notified with a “change of plans” postcard about a new date. Guests were advised to check the wedding website for details.
We never received the invitation to the rescheduled wedding.
My husband bumped into the groom-to-be at a local store. My husband mentioned we had not received the invitation for the new date. The groom mentioned they were sent out the week before.
The invitation never arrived.
Had it been lost in the mail the bride should have followed up and sent a new one after the RSVP date passed with no response!
It was clearly intentional, and not an oversight.
The groom-to-be was obviously not aware of the decision on the part of the bride to uninvite us.
The wedding was held at the original venue, with no apparent downsizing.
Should I acknowledge the wedding with a card and or gift?
Disappointed in Connecticut
Dear Disappointed: You seem determined to believe that this bride deliberately disinvited you to her wedding, so you’re off the hook for sending a gift.
However, I wonder how the bride is supposed to know that the invitation was lost in the mail.
Your reliance on paper communication might have been part of the problem, here. Their wedding website might have answered any lingering questions, as well as allowing you to communicate with the couple quickly.
Dear Amy: This fall my vaccinated family is invited to a nephew’s wedding.
He and his future bride are not vaccinated because they think the COVID-19 vaccine will possibly make them sterile.
I know their parents are vaccinated.
Both of these young adults are college-educated, but apparently don’t believe the science of the vaccine. The groom’s sister and her husband are also not getting vaccinated because of the same reasoning. They are both part of the wedding party. I know they won’t be wearing masks or taking precautions of social distancing. They haven’t taken this pandemic seriously.
I’ve read several articles about the false beliefs of vaccines causing sterilization. I’m tempted to send them the articles. Do you think I should?
My family would love to safely get together with our relatives to celebrate a happy occasion.
If several of the wedding guests are not vaccinated, will that put my family in danger? I’m not sure how to RSVP.
Dear Worried: The COVID vaccines do not cause people to become sterile. (Nor do ignorance, misinformation, or denial, by the way…)
There is no need to send these family members articles showing how safe the vaccine is.
Vaccinated people seem to respond to the idea of spending time with unvaccinated people along a wide spectrum.
For instance, I understand that the vaccine protects me from the more severe symptoms of the disease caused by the COVID virus – that way, even if I contract the virus, I am unlikely to land in the hospital or suffer long-term effects. I am also far less likely to spread the virus to others. That’s why I chose vaccination.
The current CDC guidelines state: “Indoor and outdoor activities pose minimal risk to fully vaccinated people.”
Other people who are vaccinated gauge their risk differently than I do, and this has become very much a personal issue, which is why it is important for all of us to respect the health and safety concerns of others – wearing masks and social distancing when on airplanes or around medically vulnerable people, and respecting the preferences and concerns of parents with unvaccinated children.
Is there some risk in being around unvaccinated people? Yes. But they pose a much greater risk of spreading serious illness to each other than to you.
Does this pose a “danger” to your family? It depends on how you define “danger.”
If you are around unvaccinated people indoors who refuse to follow a mask mandate for unvaccinated people, or if you are simply unsure of their vaccination status, you could choose to wear a mask and maintain your own distance.
Or you could stay home.
Dear Amy:because her combative niece wanted a wedding invitation sent to her father’s home instead of her own.
Thank you for pointing out that this aunt had her own part to play in this dynamic. If you don’t respond dramatically to family drama, most times it seems to gradually lose steam.
Dear Been There: It can be very hard not to take the bait.
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.